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The Concorde: Airport ’79 (1979); directed by David Lowell Rich, in a tragic free-fall from his 1966 remake of Madame X; story by Jennings Lang, proving beyond question that producing stupendous disaster movies (Airport ’75,  Airport ’77, and Earthquake!) does not qualify one for inventing them; and screenplay by Eric Roth, who I would like incarcerated for writing two of my least favorite films of all time, Forrest Gump and Benjamin Button.

Charo in sunglasses with chihuahua arguing with flight attendant in The Concorde: Airport '79

Wretched and nonsensical, The Concorde: Airport ’79 is worthwhile only for the scenes in which Jimmie “JJ’ Walker and Martha Raye compete for use of the lavatory, he to smoke joints and she to control her nervous bladder problem; and for Charo, who has a brief, pivotal appearance, her only, in which storms off the plane after attempting to smuggle a chihuahua in under her fur. See Charo’s  performance, comparable in greatness to her interpretation of April on The Love Boat, in its entirety below:

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Outside of that, prepare yourself for a horrifying sex scene with Airport series stalwart George Kennedy; a sad, half-hearted attempt at Hollywood leading man status by Alain Delon; an in-depth, graphic discussion of Eddie Albert’s sexual exploits; and Susan Blakely in a performance substandard by even daytime soap opera standards.

The espionage story makes absolutely no sense and the general plot violates nearly every successful disaster rule in the formula, including re-boarding the plane with a new cast of unfortunates for a second calamity. Horrible.

Thank heavens Airplane! was just around the corner to right this wrong.

Charo and chihuahua booted off the Concorde

An entire film centered on Charo’s attempts to smuggle a chihuahua onto the Concorde would have been far entertaining.