I accidentally gave myself a Rorschach test while looking at the flag borne by the leader of the Russian athletes in this procession. I’ve already discussed my great displeasure in the design. Now matters are more complicated as I’ve discovered two bulbous penises engaged in what I imagine to be frottage.

Just as I reckoned that the unflattering grey Nike podium outfits worn by U.S. athletes are a clandestine ode to the era of Soviet supremacy in The Games, engineered by a covert Communist amidst the upper-echelons of Nike, I find yet another shock in the Russian design.

Penises engaged in frottage on the international stage. Russia makes a pronouncement and we cannot look away. I also see Jimmy Durante’s profile, but I believe that is coincidental.

Is there a gay agenda at work in the representation of Russia, with its repressive regime still intact though no longer Communist? Gays can’t catch a break in Putin’s post-Soviet Russia and its influential Orthodox church, but it looks like one of the homos has decided to plant an image into his (I’m guessing it’s a guy, but I will be scrutinizing everything from here on in for yonic symbols) compatriots’ collective subconscious with two male sex organs grinding together.

How else to explain the obvious mushroom-head male member in the center of the flag, with another similarly shaped phallus just to its left, as if the two were rubbing rapturously Russian-style? Are veiny, sinewy skin flutes  snugly situated on a red flashy fabric supposed to mount national pride or to conjure imagery to slide surreptitiously into the Slavic psyche? Red is Russia. One guess as to the white outlining the phallic shapes and spurting everywhere else.

Keith Haring photographed by Annie Leibovitz in 1986. Just turn the white to red and the black to white and you’re one step away from Russia’s Olympic design.

It’s as if Annie Leibovitz and Keith Haring were reunited to plant emblematic penises on every Russian athlete sent to compete in the Olympics.

This is what the gay agenda looks like in Russia. The U.S. has marriage amendments and Chik-fil-A  to keep both liberal and conservative minds off the tanked economy and the continuously growing disparity of wealth in the nation. Russia is parading penises in front of a billion pairs of eyes during the Olympics. It’s part of a plan.

Frottage is the gateway. Just watch.