It’s simple really. 6 Avengers. 12 balls. Pick two.
Can you tag the polls? Because I have a sense that “balls” is going to be a very common reference henceforth.
I don’t think so but I’ll tag the entry.
That’s what I meant to say. I am hoping that the poll topics extend beyond nutsacks. But I don’t expect voting on fondling testicles to go away anytime soon either. It’s like taking the pulse of the nation.
Who voted for Tony Stark? I want reasons.
Don’t discount the possibility of an external reader who is either a Robert Downey, Jr. fan or someone who you’ve gotten hot and bothered by discussing his family jewels encased in impenetrable armor. Universal suffrage.
yay – it’s about time Doris W.
Well for a family blog this is so absolutely inappropriate. What kind of nasty person takes comic book heroes and puts them into some kind of testicle contest? It’s sick. Just thinking about that awful no-good Loki with no underpants on at all is sinfully terrible. I can see it now. I’ll bet seven to one he’s shaved down there. Just like a shiny, polished brass doorknob, but really a supervillain’s satiny-smooth scrotum. I can just imagine the scent of his hairless taint and I get all dizzy inside. That Loki must have the glintiest jewel sack out of all those big heroes. It just isn’t right. And someone isn’t right in the head for putting such ideas into people’s heads. Shame.
I’ll tell you one thing. That Thor looks like he’s got a set that would just about drop to the floor. I can tell it just from the way he comes a-running. He’s got to take some extra caution if those things aren’t held in tight by some kind of contraption, and I am most certainly not thinking about putting them in a vice, if that’s where your awful mind is taking you. I would most definitely not hang Thor upside down from a cable on a hook and put those Nordic nuts into a tightening clench that would make him howl like the pagan thunderlord he is. No, sir. You’ve made Thor all dirty with this contest of yours. Dirty as dirt on a vanilla ice cream scoop. Now who is gonna lick that up?
Well isn’t this just the be-all end-all. Iron Man. Those fragile rocks must have been jostled around so much when he gets whacked around by monsters like Mickey Rourke. Those damaged testes are such a mess I don’t believe I could even call them balls. More like melted milk duds if you ask me. Good thing that Iron Man has those rocket arms because I don’t think anything downstairs is firing. No little soldiers are gonna fight their way outta that tangle, I’ll tell you that much.
Hmmph. Chris Evans might be all pretty and such, but if you look close, and I mean real, real close, right down in the nethers, you can see that there’s a solo act when they’re advertising a duo. You get me – one of the boys never dropped. Pretty fella can pump up all he likes, but Captain America is only half a man, even with pecs as big as Utah. It’s lonesome in that big blonde bag all by yourself, that I’ll guarantee.
Hawkeye. That sounds just about right. Cuzza he’s got balls about as big as a damn bird’s. You ever seen low-hangers on a canary? No, I didn’t think so, and you won’t see much on Jeremy Renner either. The way I hear it, those things that he’s trying to pass off as balls didn’t even need to change scale when they molded the Hawkeye action figure. Doll balls. That’s what I call ’em.
Now who in the name of Jack LaLanne is gonna take issue with Hulk balls? Mark Ruffalo’s soft, fuzzy, mild-mannered ass-slappers turn mighty green and mighty mean! You talk about your green eggs and ham: just look at that crotch and you’ve got one big bounty of a breakfast! Think about nuzzling those nuts, and whoop!: the rage pulses through his veins and everything goes steroidal, right down to that suddenly verdant and virulent crotch. Hang on tight! Those balls are like a fleshy birthday balloon blowing up in your hand. They won’t pop, but you just might. There’s no question. Hulk’s huevos have no peers in the grand gallery of superhero balls. Cradle ’em? I’ll just hang on for dear life. Now don’t you feel dirty for bringing all this on? Filthy is more like it. I’m ashamed that a family blog like this has sunk to holding an election for an esoteric fetish for fictional fantasy balls. You must have a sick, sick following.
Thank you HW. Your comments were very thought-provoking.
Ma’am, you are right welcome. I am happy to be at your service. As a matter of fact, I even serviced myself a couple of times while I was thinking about those Scandinavian gods Loki and Thor and the special attributes those two have. ‘Course, I had to scrub myself raw with lye soap afterwards on account of the shame and self-hatred you brought down on me, but I like to think that the wads I shot plumb onto the upper left and lower center pictures from your balls ballot were deserving of their targets. This here hillbilly has to empty out his own double-arsenal now and again, even if it makes my innards feel all putrid afterwards. You just keep on your mission, little lady. The world needs a mind like yours to keep a mind like mine busy.
Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:
You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )
Connecting to %s
Notify me of new comments via email.
Notify me of new posts via email.