I recently flew to London. Even though it was a redeye and I should have been sleeping, just like the kid who turns the sound way down and sneaks in a forbidden late night in front of the tv, I watched three inflight movies – Haywire, Young Adult and Chronicle.
Haywire – disappointing but we’ll get to that soon
Young Adult – I was not a fan of Juno. I thought it was style over substance, and hipster style at that. But Young Adult was surprisingly engaging and I welcomed the dark ending.
Chronicle – I know it was a hit with the kids so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I am still wondering what all the fuss was about.
I am almost always up for a movie. Any movie. I’d rather watch a movie over tv not because of any issue with quality but because a movie is generally self-contained and as a completist, I can tick something off my list in a couple of hours rather than get sucked into a new series that will make nagging demands of my time. I think all airlines have individual monitors and choices now. Long gone are the days when we were subject to suffer through Flubber together. And with that came freedom from the blandest, safest movie. Now we have a tidy little menu allowing us to indulge somewhat privately.
My criteria for inflight movies is pretty low and the antithesis of what I normally watch on land – something I haven’t seen, nothing too heavy as I suspect good dramas have had something edited out for content, and a bonus is something silly, preferably teen, that I would never watch other than when I’m strapped into a chair for 6 hours. These movies hit all the marks. As I glanced around I noticed many other flightmates also chose Haywire and Young Adult. The Iron Lady also got a lot of views which I suppose could have made good context for London but it violated my drama rules so it was out.
But onto Haywire. I always thought I was a Soderbergh fan but I don’t think I am anymore and have not been for a while. It’s like that friend that you think you’re so close with until you realize you haven’t even emailed in 3 months. And when you try to reconnect you don’t even know what to say except, How’s it going? Are you still moving? You said you were moving right or were you just planning a trip? Delete delete delete. How’s it going? Let’s talk soon!
Sex, Lies and Videotape – yeah remember 1986? – was so intense I felt like I was intruding on someone’s private conversation. It made me physically uncomfortable. Out of Sight was crazy sexy, stylish and cemented George Clooney as an old-school dreamboat and launched Jennifer Lopez as a legitimate actress. She decided she’d rather have celebrity over credibility so now she has red carpets and perfume but also The Back-Up Plan. The Limey was stylized but effective. Erin Brockovich was fine.
I remember liking Traffic. Ocean’s Eleven was and still is decadent fun. It was a glam, frothy champagne cocktail followed by a second, buzzy for the sake of it. He could do big entertainment without making you feel guilty about it. I saw Solaris, The Good German, Ocean’s 12 and 13. I didn’t hate them. I didn’t and won’t see Che or The Girlfriend Experience. I got a kick out of The Informant! because I love a goofy Matt Damon and the central Illinois setting. But I skipped Contagion so where does that leave us? Are you still moving? You said you were moving, right?
So yes, Haywire. It was boring. In my book, that’s the worst. I’d rather be offended than bored. Try to do something. And don’t tell me you did because you and I both know better.
I’ve read that Haywire got a D+ on CinemaScore. It wasn’t that bad. Yes, Gina Carano gives a wooden performance and has zero chemistry with her talented costars – Channning Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Bill Paxton and Michael Fassbender. A cardboard cutout of Chewbacca with lines dubbed in Wookie would have generated more zing. Actually, I would watch that. Someone do that with a scene and put it on YouTube. The only energy is when Carano is handing someone their ass.
She’s an MMA fighter, sexy, pretty and has a great throaty voice. Kathleen Turner before she turned into drag Kathleen Turner. The fight scenes are nice. You can hear the heavy breathing, twisting clothes and scuffling shoes. These are long takes and shots with no frenetic editing so you can actually see what is happening. And what is happening is that she can fight. Do not piss off Gina Carano. Gina, by the way, this is nothing against you. All the blame – and I do mean all of it – is on Soderbergh. He could have set you on an action star path like Jason Statham but instead, he made you a trivia question. She’s got more work but really, Fast and Furious 6?
Here’s what’s so annoying and disappointing. Soderbergh knows his way around a movie. He can do action, he can do sexy, he can do style. He handpicked Carano and ostensibly created a movie for her. He failed her and us. The movie looks good enough. I don’t think Soderbergh could have a generically lit movie if he tried. I am fine with slower pacing. The American, with Soderbergh pal Clooney, was great. It wasn’t slow, it was paced. It created a tone and atmosphere. Haywire dragged. Soderbergh squandered his talents and Carano’s, a real-life bruiser. I liked when she took her shoes off to fight and wasn’t afraid of the body you’d have to have to beat the shit out of someone. But you still need a story and someone who can deliver it. I still need to care. Soderbergh – I’m looking at you.
I have also read some criticism that posits the tremendous flop that was Haywire was because the action lead was a woman beating up dudes. I don’t buy it. There’s plenty to contradict that theory. Kill Bill and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon were loaded with female fighters and not the pillow-fighting kind. Both an anticipated and a sleeper hit, the directors delivered the goods. There were cheers and applause in the theater when I saw both. And while some may argue that there were more female-on-female bits, there was plenty of male butt kicked. These were dynamic performances with a solid story and direction with vision.
I also don’t buy the argument that Carano’s monotone delivery and stiff performance is the major offender for a lifeless action movie. I have one word – Schwarzenegger.
I am a fan of directors. If I like a director, I will see whatever they put out. Not so with actors, even a favorite actor still has to earn my attention each and every time. But I will follow a good director to the gates of entertainment hell just as I will never watch a bad one. Joel Schumacher, please stop. I have a soft spot for weirdos. The more authentic and genuine the weirdo, the wider the berth allowed for experimentation or just plain failures. Herzog, Cronenberg, Aronofsky, Fincher – I have followed them all and been disappointed by them all. But the disappointments, even if self-indulgent, I believe were genuine attempts at greatness. My point is, I don’t think this was a misstep for Soderbergh. I don’t think he was really going out on a limb here. I think it was just kind of sloppy.
Haywire suffered from accurate, bad word-of-mouth. Was Carano’s performance bad? Yes. But Soderbergh should have worked around it or pulled the plug. Are people uncomfortable with a female protagonist beating the crap out of people? Possibly, but not enough to tank a movie that otherwise looked good on paper. Soderbergh can make a good movie. But as evidenced by his recent output and my own lack of interest, maybe it’s that he used to make a good movie. Does he have too much clout, is he surrounded by yes men, just being lazy? I suspect it is a bit of everything. I am currently under the spell of Channing Tatum and will see Magic Mike. The trailer looks promising. I will meet Soderbergh for coffee and I hope to come out friends again with plans for dinner.
Soderbergh – let’s talk soon!
Soderbergh has always left me feeling unsatisfied. I feel weirdly removed from whatever I’m seeing on the screen. I dislike the look: the muted tones. It’s like a colorful shirt that has been washed too many times. I can’t think of any of his movies that I would rate higher than OK.
Contagion should have been epic. You know who should be directing shit like that? Rupert Wyatt – who did Rise of the Planet of the Apes. He can manage personal drama amidst the rumblings of Armageddon. Not the film that was written by shitmeister JJ Abrams, but end-of-days Armageddon.
But on the ‘bergs, what’s your beef with David Cronenberg? Crash, not the film from a few years ago, but the one from like 15 years ago, about car crash fetishists, is one of my favorite films. I also like eXistenZ, which is a lot to say because it’s about gaming and I have null interest in gaming. Maybe the nineties were his time to shine. Did you see the recent movie he made with Michael Fassbender? I have a hard time believing that you passed that up.
Aronofsky actually made me very angry after he squandered two hours of my time with The Fountain. I think my expectations got set too high from Requiem for a Dream, which I may never shake off. Do I need to see The Wrestler and Black Swan? I somehow lost the drive to see another film by him because I thought The Fountain was so reprehensibly awful.
I will watch Che for you. It’s been in my Instant Queue™ for months. I just need the six or seven hours to get it in. It shouldn’t be that hard. I made time for Carlos, and that was worthwhile.
I’ve never heard of Haywire or its nutbusting star? Doris W, is this someone from your circle? I can never keep all those letters straight. WWF. MMA. NFL. Does she
What do you do if you’ve built an entire film for a single actor? One, I think you need to find out that you have some acting to work with. Two, you need to focus on the character first and prove to yourself there is a match. If you are determined to make a film with a non- or semi-actor, hide the flaws.
As a director myself – I just showed my own epic, The Death of Qin Shi Huangdi, made with my sixth-grade class from 2006, to my current group of second graders, since they are representing China for our International Day this week. I hadn’t seen it in years, and I was amazed at how hilariously awkward some of the kids were in delivering their lines, but also how fucking fantastic some of them were in their roles. The guy playing The Emperor really acted! The chunky guy who always led football games on the field was totally out of this world as the scornful Empress Mother on her deathbed. And the girl who played the duplicitous, power-mad eunuch Zhao Gao knew exactly how to breathe evil into all of her lines.
Anyway, my point is, I can see (with hindsight) which kids I was able to highlight, and which ones we had to make short shots and quick edits for – usually for giggling from embarrassment or for misreading a line so violently that whoever was holding the boom dropped it on the actors’ heads while belly-laughing.
You can disguise non-actors, but it’s hard in a lead role. Maybe he needed to ease her into acting, with a guest appearance on Burn Notice. I would like to see this Carano fighter go toe-to-toe with Jeffrey Donovan.
Next tell us about Young Adult. I was on the fence about seeing that one.
Oh, and how did I neglect to mention that The Informant! was set in my hometown of Decatur? I actually knew the kids of some of the principal players in the scandal. I went to see it with my brother. Since we have both now been living far from Decatur for decades, it was a bit like being the subject of an anthropological study and then viewing it to see if they realized on film what you yourself experienced. If they were aiming for atmosphere, they missed it completely. As always, Soderbergh made me feel like there was a cool gel between me and the screen, even when parts of it were shot blocks from my childhood home. Another thing: they didn’t get the accent right. NO ACTOR had it. My brother and I instantly looked at each other when finally they had a fake news broadcast and the anchor actually sounded like he was from Decatur. And, of course, he was. They got the real anchor from WAND-TV to participate – the only moment of genuineness in the film. I do appreciate that they put Tom Smothers in the role of the aged patriarch. More Tom Smothers, please.
I have a lot more to write about my trip but as we have discussed, I clearly need to block out the appropriate amount of time to do so.
Briefly – my beefs with the directors I mentioned
Herzog – Encounters at the End of the World.
I appreciate the visual beauty of his nature docs but this was a bit dull. However, I love his narration more than I should. I always listen to his commentaries because he is a goofy genius. If you’ve ever heard him speak you know what I’m talking about. It’s a weird mix of taking everything deadly seriously and just being ridiculous. This is one of my favorite you tube finds. The accent isn’t quite right but the tone and content are spot on
I feel I have been most richly rewarded by watching Herzog. Cave of Forgotten Dreams in 3D was a beautiful surprise.
Cronenberg – M. Butterfly
I saw the play and it affected me deeply. I love Jeremy Irons and like John Lone so this should have worked. I can’t remember the particulars now but I remember some changes to the play, even though the script was by the playwright, and being very disappointed, angry even. Raul do you know the play? You must. East/West, feminine/masculine, and the power of self-delusion and yearning were staggering to me as a Chinese American teenager. The perception of all Asians as somewhat feminine and duplicitous, the coarseness of the mainlanders and Communists, gender roles and perceptions in an Asian context layered with Western ones, and race and racism particular to Chinese culture – it resonated with me in a way I had not experienced in theater before. When M. Butterfly strips down at the end I had a visceral reaction. I was shaking in my seat. It made me join the theater club in high school. I wish I could remember what specifically pissed me off so much about the movie but I think it was because I thought these last points were captured so perfectly in the play and caricatured in the movie. I felt like my identity went from being validated to being violated.
Aronofsky – The Fountain
You know what? I didn’t hate it. It was like watching someone turn into a boiling pot of crazy during a bad breakup and just trying to be there because you know you can’t fix it and just have to ride it out. It was a mess and the ending taxed even my generous spirit. But again, he was going for something even if it was an over-indulgent fever dream. I felt the same way about Tree of Life. Terrence Malick is going off the rails but I like watching.
Fincher – Fucking Benjamin Button
I was alternately bored stiff and pissed off by the movie. Are you kidding me with this thing? Fincher is so much better than this. No one was likable. BB was just weird, Cate Blanchett’s character was a cold bitch and I didn’t give a shit about either of them. I think Fincher is gifted and ballsy and this was such a soft movie I kept waiting for Tom Hanks to show up. A waste.
As for the fighting, I don’t follow at all. That’s just from what I read. I don’t know if UFC is only dudes or girls are allowed to play too but MMA is for mixed martial arts which means, unlike the choreographed WWF, people are really kicking the pulp out of each other.
Raul – I remember starting a little online roundtable with you and Phil about The Informant! and that you both had similar reactions that were very different than mine. Of course, I never lived there and couldn’t tell you the distinguishing characteristics of a Decatur accent if my life depended on it. I believe you but it wasn’t a factor for me. I felt like the movie was a tongue in cheek exercise so I didn’t take it too seriously. Plus the real story is so crackers it blinds you from the specifics of the film.
I will write about Young Adult. I swore I wouldn’t see it because I really, really didn’t like Juno and Diablo Cody bothers me to distraction but I am happy to eat crow when it’s deserved. It’s worth seeing.
Crap I forgot to login but that last bit was me – mrlousy.
I will work on providing you a southern/central Illinois accent. It varies somewhat according to education level and how close you live to a bigger city. If I can’t find a clip, I will produce it myself. It’s been in hiding for over 25 years. I think I can coax it back.
I have never seen the play M. Butterfly, but I did see the movie on video a long time ago. I don’t remember much except that I thought it was uninteresting, which seems stunning given the premise. I will do some digging on the play and the movie. Did you see any more of the playwright’s work? And what acting arose from your M. Butterfly experience?
Herzog has been both kind and cruel to me. His Where’s Waldo thoughts and narration shows he is a brilliant man. I need to see the movie he did about the ancient caves with pre-historic art. I think he treats it with the same reverence as he does Where’s Waldo. Also, have you seen him ACT? Holy shit. Have you seen Mr. Lonely? I have. About twenty times. Often with a little help from my friends. If you missed it, don’t read anything about it and just watch. It has Diego Luna and Samantha Morton, in addition to a rather breathtaking performance from Herzog that is clearly improvised. Have you seen Even Dwarfs Started Small? It made me feel icky for weeks.
I have not seen Herzog act. It will go in the queue immediately. The playwright had a new play in town, Chinglish but I didn’t make it there. I’m seeing The Iceman Cometh Tuesday with Brian Dennehy and Nathan Lane. Brian Dennehy is one of those big burly guys that doesn’t really have any physical appeal on an empirical level but that I am totally attractive to. John Goodman is another.
What acting did I do? You must be joking. I don’t have it in me although I did force myself to join the forensics team to overcome my near crippling shyness. It worked but not enough to become an actual exhibitionist.
What happened with The Iceman Cometh? And are you attractive to or attracted to those big burly guys? There is an important distinction, one that I need to be aware of.
The Iceman Cometh was heavy. And so long. I know it’s a classic but really does it have to be 4 hours? I will say this. You really understand star power with live theater. Nathan Lane was great. He wasn’t showy Nathan Lane from The Birdcage – one of those movies I always stop to watch when channel surfing and actually made me laugh at Robin Williams again. He just has a presence and energy. I am not particularly attracted to burly bears although I can see the appeal of John Goodman. I always thought I preferred thin hipsters but my List would prove me wrong. Also I’m very much about personality now. But a really big guy I think would make me feel too small. I once worked with a guy who had a thing for bears. His dream celebrity was George Wendt. Huh? I have no idea if I am attractive to them or anyone else for that matter.
I found The Birdcage dated and somewhat painful to sit through – even at the Davis in its golden years. I do remember enjoying a shot of Nathan Lane snatching an entire bottle of wine as an omen of how bananas things were about to get. I’ve never seen him play anything else but very slight variations of that character. The world of the Bears and George Wendt: That will require a new post.
Oh, but The Birdcage did give us another Gene Hackman comedic role. He was quite funny in it, as well as this con-game movie called Heartbreakers. He and Sigourney Weaver are quite seasoned in comedy. The movie threw in Jennifer Love-Hewitt/My Name Is Earl-actor romcom that nearly ruined it, save for Gene Hackman, Sigourney Weaver, Ray Liotta (kinda) and Anne Bancroft (lotta). I wish I could just edit out chunks of movies.
That is a seed: movies that have great parts, but also giant flaws that render them pedestrian (Heartbreakers – and I know that you like a real con-game movie) or too bad to watch. I will brainstorm.
And you’ll have to check your “too long” complaint at the door. I love it when things are too long! One of my golden moments was taking Jenny to see Scorcese’s Casino at the Logan and after about 75 minutes, showing her my wristwatch as I tapped it and said, “Two more hours.” Her groan alone was worth every second.
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